Everyone I know cheats. My ex cheated with me on her husband, ending that relationship (and leaving me with a burden of guilt that’ll never leave me), and she cheated on him at least twice before I came along.
My best friend is pretty much a nymphomaniac. I’m one of four friends she hasn’t slept with (of either gender), and two of them are gay guys. Why hasn’t she slept with me? I’ve never asked. I’m afraid to. But I’m pretty sure if we fucked 2 years ago like we nearly did, I wouldn’t be in her life today and that would be a huge shame because I love her a great deal.
She found out her other half cheated on her yesterday. She was heartbroken for a few hours, but as you’ll know from my previous post, they’ve made up in less than 24 hours. She’s been bad several times. He found out and forgave her.
Even my sweetest, most innocent and sweet friends have been bad, and told me they’d be bad again should certain situations crop up.
So that’s the world we live in now. Everyone wants to have their cake and eat it, too. It’s normal. Another of my friends has essentially given up on relationships for this reason, and is trying to convince me and herself that she’s okay being just friends-with-benefits with some guy she’s into who she knows is seeing other women.
I was mad at myself for not sleeping with my other friend who threw herself at me while drunk a month or two ago, but if I had done it I’d have felt guilty as fuck every time I saw her other half. If we were caught and it ended their relationship the guilt would be too much. Ditto my best friend and her partner.
I feel so helpless. I want to find someone to love and trust but the most I can hope for is a fuck buddy who I have to share with whomever she’d want. It sours me on the whole thing. And worst of all, I’ve been bad too so I’m a pathetic loser wanting more from others than I can muster from myself 😦