Depression and masturbation

When I was with my ex, we had sex every day.  It was amazing, with like three or four exceptions, we did every fucked up fantasy thing she and I ever wanted to do (and then I learn that friend I’m crazy about does all those three or four and probably a whole lot more).  Then we broke up and 11 months of my not having sex happened.  I’m at the point where “taking care of business” myself isn’t fun anymore.  As much as I love the internet’s infinite supply of amazing and creative free porn, I always just feeling lonely and sad afterwards.  It just reminds me of what I want the most and aren’t getting.


So I quit.  And my balls haven’t exploded, I haven’t become an uncontrollable horny beast.  Everything’s the same, but my internet history isn’t being deleted every day or two.  Maybe it’s the depression.  Maybe it’s being in my mid-30’s and slowing down.


All I know for sure is that I really miss having sex.  Kissing, holding, undressing, worshipping, fucking.  That amazing feeling from making someone cum again and again.  The way someone kisses you when they’re lost in the heat of the moment.  Laying together afterwards and having raw, emotional conversations.


Some day again, I hope.


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