She’s fascinated me for years. I usually get an idea of people’s motivations and goals pretty easily, but she was always a mystery. She’d do self-destructive things for seemingly no reason, put relationships that were meaningful to her in jeopardy when she didn’t have to and was smart enough to know she shouldn’t. I always put it down to the abuse she went through when she was younger screwing her up (which is very true) but now I understand her motivation. Let me add here that I’m in no way qualified to diagnose anyone with anything, and this post is just be expressing some kind of dark “eureka!” moment that’s been three-plus years in the making.
She’s an adrenaline junkie.
The Girl That I Like told me she was an adrenaline junkie a couple of months ago and again a couple of days ago, but it’s only now that it’s clicked that that’s why she does everything. Why she compulsively cheats on every relationship she’s ever had, with people I know she loves and would rather die than lose. Why she lies habitually and unnecessarily, even telling stories that paint her and those she cares about in a very dark light. Why she steals pettily. All because it gives her a thrill she can’t get any other way, a thrill she can never get by being good or doing the right thing.
She’s young and I shudder to think where this is going to go once the cheap thrills of being naughty wear off.. She currently seeing a mental health team regarding her depression and anger issues, and I hope they get her the help she needs.