So the Girl I Love But Can Never Be With has been acting erratically. She told me about a miscarriage. She told me about a lowkey pill popping suicide attempt she made recently which she passed off as a badly upset stomach and swore me to secrecy. She told me about major problems with her man cheating on her and huge fights they’ve had. She told me she might lose custody of her child as a result.
So I text her later that day to make sure she’s okay, and I hear nothing back. I’m worried sick, I text again the day after saying “please text back when you can so I know you and your baby are okay” and again hear nothing.
This morning she was active on Facebook. She’s just ignoring me.
I think she’s just fucking with my head. That she’s gotten bored of me and gone on to some other guy who’s now getting all her attention. That’s what my gut is screaming, and what is screamed before we blew up and didn’t speak for two years.
I’m writing this in case we gets back in contact and spins some blatant bullshit that I gladly gobble up because I’m weak and want her to love me. I want to remember this feeling next time it happens. I’ve written but deleted several “Never mind, saw you active on Facebook you were just ignoring your friend who was worrying about you” texts. I’m just going to leave it. I’m done reaching out, and if I never hear from her again, that’s that.
We had some good memories and really fun times, and I wish her all the best because – with what I know about her and her situation that I know isn’t bullshit – she’s going to need it, especially if she surrounds herself with men and women who use her for sex, ply her with drugs and give no fucks whether she lives or dies like she used to.
Actually, scrap that. I wish her child all the best, because he’s the one who’s really going to need it.
EDIT: Sent that text the next day. She told me she’s pushed everyone away and needs space while she processes all the shit that she’s going through. I’m stepping back and giving her space – while getting myself used to the idea I’ll not hear from her again.