When I was with my ex, until the last two years I was happy. She had her bipolar downers but I helped her through them. She made me feel so completely loved and helping her made me feel good.
Then we broke up and I felt unloved and empty.
Reconnecting with The Girl I Liked, I was able to help talk her through many of her problems, and she always made me feel like I mattered and I felt good.
Then she very suddenly became apathetic, and once again I feel unloved and empty.
I feel completely without purpose. Why do anything? Goals are meaningless, and I’ll still feel unhappy once I achieve them, so why bother?
I prefer the company of my more fucked up friends than my well adjusted ones. I relate to them better. So what if I get drunk and randomly make out with someone, or even some day go further and fuck them? It doesn’t mean anything, I likely won’t even like them when I’m sober. Having notches on my belt doesn’t impress me, having people whose hearts I’m in does – and drunk flings don’t engender that.
I’m not even sure where I was going with this, I just needed to spooge it out onto your screen.